I think that as a man, even without going into the criminal, we (maybe I?) am always or frequently thinking “is she into me?”
I don’t know why. I wish I could tell.
For me, maybe, it’s a sort of validation. Someone flirts with me at work, somehow I feel validated. It’s weird. At least for me, marriage has had ups and downs, and sometimes the person we don’t know acts as a sort of fantasy, an ideal. A sort of Hollywood movie where everything is better than life. Of course, the astute mind knows that when the Hero on the Hollywood movie walks away from the car crash, it’s a stunt, a make belief. Not real.
I’m certain that if I would start any affair, or a new relationship, soon I will have to contend with the same problems I have now. Probably because half of the problems are mine. Not my spouse’s.
Nevertheless, every contact makes you (me) hope something I know it won’t happen. I don’t know if I want anything to ever happen. In addition to shy, I’m lazy.
All this I’m writing thinking about the last guy. I prefer not to entertain myself with fantasies. But also I’m mostly tired all the time. I know people want to be seen for the most part. Maybe it is that after a while men we don’t feel seen by our spouses. No. Not everyone. We don’t see ourselves. And we allow to be entertained by the fantasies in our heads. Without even noticing the person across us.
Sorry you had to go through those experiences. I’m sorry for us men not being able to see the threat we can be. To make castles out of thin air when the other person wants to be left alone.
Thank you for sharing your story, Giedre.
Pablo