I think I put too much on my plate.

Yes, I do a lot but I paid a high price. For once, the price of wanting more. Then the price we pay when we leave things behind to do the things we must.

Then change. My daughter is 18 now. One of the hardest things is to go from having that little child who is dependent on us to having a grown person for whom we may not be as important anymore. Who sees in us all the damage we have caused.

I don’t think there’s anything that prepares us for our children growing up, yet we have all leave our place.

***
You are right, I have a lot going for me. I often tell my wife that I wanted more. Possibly the glory of fame and gold (and yes, you may say those things are so fleeting if they are). Maybe it has been like the song of the sirens to me, and to overcome my low self esteem I tried to compensate with something else.

I know, it’s silly.

I don’t know, I have embarked on a lot of stupid fights but then it is so hard to get off them.

Did I tell you I am trying to go back to school?

I’m taking this chemistry class that I may have taken at least three times in my life from high school to now and it still is as hard as the first time. But growing up I think I got so much of a teacher’s approval. And yet, I’m now 47?