I noticed that this is how I feel sometimes. Also, sometimes I am a little afraid. Sometimes, regrettably, I hold them as to amass power. If the other person suspects it, but I don't say it, I have more control. I know, as I write this, I do realize this is messed-up. But this is why we write, right? To learn, to realize some things are just not right. Like to hold an "I love you" so the other person will be on his/her toes and anxiously hoping for the words to come out of my mouth. So yes, Thank you for helping me realize this ill pattern of mine.