I agree with the happiness and marriage.
I think there are a couple of issues.
Let’s say I meet someone for coffee for a couple of hours. Maybe even the whole day. I am able, most of the time to be a fairly nice guy. It’s with time issues appear.
Once when I was a teenager I traveled a ski resort with my best friend (a guy, not romantic) and we stayed together in the hotel for a week. Of course, we went out and all that stuff. But this was over 20 years ago and my favorite band (not his), U2 had just released a new album. And when I tell you I played the tape all day long while at the hotel I’m not lying!!!
😂😂😂
But he hated it!!!

So that is marriage, I think.
Of course, I know you had a rough marriage and I won’t compare playing the same song over and over with being physically and or verbally abused.

I think there are good moments, but for every good moment there are a bunch of bad moments. And we all crave to be discovered, but there’s a point when we don’t want to discover someone else. And of course, daily life injects itself in our reality. And it is way easier for me to decide for myself I want to go on vacation to Spot A without deciding with someone else who wants Spot B.

I value friendship a lot too.

Plus I think sometimes that sex is overrated 🤣🤣🤣!

I mean, I think it’s value lies in we allow someone to see us naked with all our flaws and magnificence and we entrust ourselves. And if the other honors us and respect us while worshiping us and the act and loves our flawed parts and is not afraid of us and them, then we can talk.

But most of the time is overrated.

We are all aliens, I think. Just don’t forget I think most people are under a spell. Kind of like you said about the food. I find the moments of clarity in my heart when I go outside and I’m in nature. I think you understand, you find them with your dogs and probably writing.

Let’s not forget about our moments of light. Hang in there, my friend.
Pablo