Hi Kerstin,
Right now I want to say I don’t know because I don’t want to say no.

It may be more than what I can afford or what I’m willing to spend. I usually associate the tour with a new bike, which of course adds to the cost of it all. I’m not too sure if I truly need a new bike, although I will not deny it would be highly beneficial. Or is it my desire to consume?

Probably at least both. Allowing myself to be defined by the machine.

Then is the issue of being away. Probably being away for a week or rather two would be nice. Even beneficial for my family. Or maybe just for me and upon my return they would have a happier parent.

I think at the core of it all is, I wish doing this things wouldn’t be so prohibitively expensive. That it would be a way to capitalize on this and for this kind of trips not to be just a joyride.

Not that I’m against them. Joyrides, I mean.

But I remain forever indecisive. Forever constrained in the frame of reality I had built for myself.

So, the answer remains, I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe wait a year or two. My son is now 14. My daughter will be 17 in two days.
Maybe at the core of all this is not money but the vertigo of knowing every minute spent with them can be the last. I know, so much drama. But there is emotion and a sort of vertigo embedding it all.

Such a long note for not a response at all!
Pablo